New day, new laptop

*tappity tap tap tap... tap* That's me typing this blog on Lolita, my brand new shiny laptop. (yes, I name my things. That's a whole other blog)

But I must stop you here, I’d like to request one minute’s silence for my former laptop, Toby Toshiba. Killed in action, his little red light blinked its last after he was callously taken from me on Monday 15 August. Suffice to say it was a tragic accident involving hangover induced clumsiness, bleary vision and a pint of water left in a very careless place… *I promised myself I wouldn’t cry* ...58, 59, 60… R.I.P. Toby Toshiba. Thank you.

As with all healthy relationships you have to move on, which is why, just one day after the ‘funeral’ (I sold him for Information Technological advancements, it’s what he would have wanted) I find myself stood in the warehouse abyss that is Currys Electrical stores with a bemused expression on my face, a large Vanilla latte in my hand and an older brother by my side. Buying a laptop is what my Mum would refer to as a blue job, like when you buy a car and you need someone to come kick the tyre n’ stuff, that someone is usually a boy. In life, there are certain purchases to which a male comes with. Please note: the purchase of cushions/sofas/candles and/or high heels do not fall into this category. Yep, the sole reason my brother is here is to protect me, to stop me agreeing to an expensive laptop package I don’t need, even if it does come with a 'free' laptop bag.

As my brother starts explaining exactly what I’m looking for, I nod along before realising I need to pee, like now. A full bladder could negatively impact any laptop purchase decisions I may make... I go in search of a porcelain throne, “toilet’s out of order, innit” is the response from a purple shirted employee. Oh God, this sh*t just got serious, I now need to buy a laptop and find a loo in less than an hour. I resist the urge to cross my legs and hold my 'mini' like a five year old.

An hour? Pah, who am I kidding… Currys to a man is what Ikea is to a woman, they have to look at every aisle, compare every laptop, its battery life/Gigabite and weight before they lose focus and gravitate towards the TV section, lost in a new world of comparison. I eventually, after much cajoling, get my brother to narrow it down and set my heart on a sleek netbook number. It’s within budget, a dual processor (nope, me neither) it’s not too heavy, has 11 hours battery power and it comes in red. RED! It ticks all my boxes. I want it. The moment my ‘want’ is born, like a whiff of blood in the ocean the shar… I mean salesman is in front of me. I smile smugly, I won’t fall for his sales patter, now is my brother’s time to shine. But it’s a two pronged attack, a saleswoman with a tight top and nice smile appears from nowhere and leads my brother to the TV’s while sharpy sharkison is luring me in, wooing me with talk of wi-fi and bamboozling me with ‘free this and free that’ on their latest (Gah!) laptop package…

One hour and £600 later my brother and I are stood waiting for a taxi, blinking into the afternoon sunshine, he’s balancing his new LCD TV on a trolley and I’m clutching my new Samsung laptop complete with bag, well it was 'free'.