I went to a dating seminar the other day. Yes, a seminar on how to date, advice was given by a guy on how to get a guy. It was all in the name of ‘research’ you understand… yup research. On each of our chairs was a notepad – were we expected to take notes? The dozens of scribbling singletons around me soon answered that question!
They all looked obediently to the whiteboard, as the seminar leader wrote ‘don’t wait - create’ in large spider scrawl. Sure enough, everybody around me jotted the exact same thing down. I stifled a snort of laughter, how pathetic, writing notes on how to get a guy. 20 minutes later and they were still writing everything this guy said. The lemming in me took over and before I knew it I too was scribbling down his latest tit bit on 'how to get a guy'.
The thing is, this guy was teaching us women how to be more approachable, apparently it’s the age old spider theory - Men are more scared of us then we are of them. The seminar leader, Matthew Hussey, was once a Pick Up Artist (PUA) himself, so knows exactly how to get women and he teaches this art to men.
Though, now he has seen a gap in the market… and it’s not to teach us how to be witty, funny and interesting. No, it’s to make us seem demure, easy going and nice. But I’m not demure easy going or nice, I’m cynical, moody and sarcastic.
Surely pretending to be someone you’re not is tantamount to false advertising? Matthew promises us that his guys are ‘nice guys’, and that we should give them a chance. They may not have the wit and charm of the arrogant guy in the corner but give them a chance.
Listening to him I remembered – I don’t want a ‘nice guy’. There’s a reason people say ‘Nice guys finish last’ and it’s because they do! Girls, overall do not want the obligatory nice guy, but why don’t we?
Jane Austen. Jane Austen is why I don’t want a nice guy. Just look at her heroine in Pride and Prejudice, Miss Elizabeth Bennett. When she meets the gorgeous but disagreeable Mr Mark Darcy she hates him, he is moody, arrogant and slightly socially inept – everything a ‘woman ought not to like.’
Mark Darcy soon falls for Elizabeth and he changes, he makes the effort to make more chit chat, to be more agreeable. This behaviour is something he’s never done, and that is why I don’t want a ‘nice guy’. Nice guys in general are - well, nice, which means that when they’re nice to you thats just them being themselves. Where as if you meet a cocky, arrogant, dry witted, player and they are nice to you and make the effort to text you email you and generally be a nice guy, then you know that there’s something there.
Maybe it’s down to a woman’s innate desire to change every man she meets – you know you do it girls from shoes to how often his Mum does his washing… we want to change them, so when they do it themselves it’s well... nice.
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